A Little Not for Mom

Hei blogilicious, it is at least 4 month since the last post, yeah actually I've been very busy. It is nothing, but something that I really want her, the one and only great Mom I have, to know.

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Mom, how are you today? Are you feeling well? I am thinkin’ of you at this very moment. I dunno but I just... seem like I need you as that much. Something woke me up from my sleep, and without any clear reason it made me crying. And, all those things appeared suddenly, hurt me again.

Mom, in this very moment, I remember everything that we’ve ever faced. You and dad and everything related to ours. It’ve memorized well in my mind. How we used to laugh, how we used to spend a really good time. How we went shopping together. How we went to some places together. I used to think I won’t get a great family, but ours. However, it just definitely makes me crying, for whatever just being a memory. Could I have it once more, mom? Thought just for a glance.

Sorry, but, why should ours? Why should you who suffered as that much? I’m sick of watching you being how you now. Since the day, I haven’t seen that. I want that smile that you used to have. You are not that good for lying; why did you hide it from me? Could you trust me that I can be yours to share how suffer you are. I could be your foot if you want. I could be your diary if you need to share, and whatever you want me to be, as long as I could see that smile again.

And also, Mom, these loves have hurt me so much. If it mine, I can’t imagine how that love’s hurt you. It’s such nothing; I just can’t stand it alone. I am not hiding; I just want to calm down. I am sick of writing when he can’t read, speaking when he can’t listen. Is it should be like this? Is love should be hurt like this, Mom? I need something to make me understand. Could you give me that, Mom? Honestly, at this rate, I am down.

I dunno, what’s wrong. But now, I am down. Mom, I am thinking so many things that definitely remind me to ‘those’ we’ve ever had. I am tired, Mom. I am tired of acting like an adult. Would you please give me a hug as I used to be your child? A little while, Mom, I really need it.

Is it ok to be like this? Mom?

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yeah, that's really nothing, but that's really something I have. Thanks for the time to read the note. *HUG*